According to family law expert Anne-Marie Hutchinson, having sex with your partner while your child is in the same room or even in bed is okay until 18 months old, when the child becomes aware of what’s going on around them. A 2020 review study published in Sesex indicated that co-sleeping didn’t significantly affect family functioning, including sex between partners. You only have to ensure that they are well fed and tucked in a safe space since they can sleep through anything.
If you’re finally in the mood to engage in rumpy-pumpy after giving birth, you know by now that your baby is always in the same room as you and your partner. So there’s pretty much only one option, have sex with a baby nearby.
So should you have sex when your baby is in the same room? This question created division in a community of mothers on Netmums several years ago, with some claiming it is a form of child abuse while others admit they’ve done it before themselves.
Does having sex in the same room as your baby harm them?
No. Expert Psychologist Donna Cameron told mums grapevine that having sex in the same room as your baby wont harm them and that it’s perfectly fine, as long as the baby is in a safe place.
‘You can have sex in the same room as your baby, your sex life is important, and your needs as adults and as a couple does not disappear as soon as you become parents,’ she explained.
Babies don’t know what sex or what sex noises are. Trauma occurs when harm occurs. The sex noises are not causing them any harm, which means they will not be traumatized.
There shouldn’t be any stigma attached to having sex with a baby in the same room. Sex is what created them.
The only downside is that no matter how much you long to get back together or how strong your sexual urge is, your mind will always be on the elephant in the room, your child, all through the act.
A baby in your room allows intimacy, but you tend to stay preoccupied. So, just involve your partner in the decision just as much as you involve them in the act.
Of major concern should be the baby’s physical safety.
Things to consider if you’re having sex in the same room as your baby
If you plan to share a room with your baby and have sex in their presence, here are a few pointers to keep in mind:
- Make sure that your little one is in a secure place so that they do not get smothered while you are rolling about on the bed. In a bassinet/cot or a place where they won’t get disturbed. Also, try to remain as silent as possible.
- Ensure that they’re well-fed and fast asleep so that you won’t have to worry about them seeing something. Sometimes they’ll wake up due to a bad dream, and when they see what mom and dad are doing, they might think that dad is hurting mom or even question why mom and dad are naked. It’s more out of the fear of the unknown.
- If you have very young babies, you need not worry about having sex in the same room since they do not understand what’s happening.
- Remember, babies can sleep through anything, so they won’t get disturbed.
- If your babies are grown enough to understand these things, you may need to find a private space. Also, consider your lovemaking language. If your baby could hear all the “Garbha Sanskara, Beethoven, or Soulful” tunes when they were in your womb, then they can hear all the cuss words while sleeping next to you or in the same room as you while having intercourse. So either be very silent or don’t use cuss words at all. As a parent, you have the duty and responsibility of protecting your child from seeing inappropriate things either on film or in real life. Just do your best to prevent it.
Is it morally right to have sex when your baby is sleeping next to you?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.
It’s a decision for you and your partner to take in your relationship, and it is certainly not worth the abuse tag.
You both have to be on the same page. Just do what suits you best.
What if our baby sees us having sex?
For the younger ones, you can move the baby to a floor bed, or you could move to the floor. You can also step out to another room but handle it calmly in the eventuality that the little older ones see you having sex accidentally.
Sit them down and talk to them about what they saw. The magnitude and the consequences of this impact depend on the child’s age.
For a healthy relationship with your baby, they need to sleep next to you. And for a successful marriage, parents need to play the hide the sausage game, who doesn’t?
Having a healthy sex life makes you a happier parent and a positive role model for what adult intimacy feels like. That means you need to be selfish about your sex life. If the baby is napping, seize the opportunity!
As fun as it seems, move the kids out of your room when they’re old enough. And get away once in a while to get loose. Having a bit of variety that includes loud uninhibited hotel sex keeps the fire burning.