My Relationship With My Partner Is Falling Apart During Pregnancy – What Should I Do?

Hey soon-to-be-mama,

If you think that your pregnancy has started to affect your relationship with your partner, then start working from scratch. Build an understanding relationship. Recognize where your relationship falls short and start working with it with your partner. Try and understand the other person’s perspective and then explain yours. Meet in the middle, be it to start a conversation or involving your partner in the decision-making process.

Pregnancy in a woman’s life can either be a wonderful phase or a phase where it can seem where she’s starting to lose everything else in life. I have always heard people saying that pregnancy can either bring a couple closer or drift them apart.

There are many reasons why a couple starts to spend time apart or withdraw emotionally from each other. Still, the main reason, in my opinion, is not trying to understand what the other person feels or says.

Humans, generally, mostly consider the ‘I’ in the picture, what I feel, what I said, what I thought, but rarely try to put themselves in the other person’s shoe and then think. Try it, and it might change your perspective completely.

When a couple gets pregnant soon before they would even start trying or when a couple gets pregnant right after they started dating or got married, pregnancy can lead to unwanted tension and arguments between a couple.

Either or both of the partners might feel insecure with the pregnancy, and the thought of having to share their better half with the child can creep in and manifest itself into insecurities, arguments, and anger.

Pregnancy can bring many changes in a woman’s body, be it hormones, mood swings, a flood of emotions, or the shape and size of the body, and every pregnant woman wants a supporting partner on whom she can lean when she finds things difficult.

But, on the other hand, maybe all the partner can see is how his wife is changing after she became pregnant- she no longer likes the usual things I do for her, or suddenly why is it whatever I do is making her so mad.

It’s when these small things starts piling up a relationship slowly starts falling apart.

How to restore the spark between you and your partner during pregnancy?

A happy young couple are bonding over the spouses pregnancy.

Talk to your partner

Communication holds one of the biggest places in a relationship, along with trust, love, and understanding. Without having an adult conversation with your partner about your feelings or your thoughts, there’s bound to have a lot of misunderstanding.

Talk to your partner about why you no longer like the special breakfast he makes for you (it’s not him, it’s the bacon you can’t stand). But sometimes, your partner can fail to understand why you said no to his breakfast and take it personally.

This seems such a small and silly matter when looking in from the outside, but things like these can slowly bring distance between you and your partner where you stop talking to each other and start caring less and less for each other.

If you’re one of those couples who got pregnant very soon and if one of you isn’t ready for the pregnancy, then the right thing to do is the first talk to each other. Try to address the partner’s issues, bring in a mediator- be it a family friend or a professional, look for other options, and come to a solution together. 

If you don’t address the underlying issues behind the tension that you both have during the pregnancy, it will only drift you and your partner apart and can make you think that the other isn’t as understanding as you thought he/she would be.

So, talk to each other and lay all your problems on the table and deal with it one by one and importantly deal with it together, as a unit.

Go on date nights

A young married couple who recently had their first baby, are out on a date night to bond and improve their relationship.

If you have an older kid, call in a babysitter, and if this is your first pregnancy, then great, go on as many dates as you want with your partner. You don’t have to go to the Chinese restaurant where you had your first date; rather, go to a place where they serve both of your favorite meals.

It’s important to build a connection with your partner; pregnancy can make you slow down on other things. You might not be in the mood any longer, so make up for that by going on dates and making him feel special.

Sure, pregnancy is beautiful, and women should be taken care of during this time, but this doesn’t give you a license about making the whole nine months only about you. Your unborn child is a symbol of you and your partner’s love for each other. So, this is your partner’s time too.

Involve him in the decisions

It’s said that women tend to get attached to their unborn child much before the fathers do, and maybe it’s right, but it doesn’t mean that you should take every decision about the baby, be it to selecting a name for your kid or choosing the hospital. Whatever decision you make should be a collective one that involves your partner too.

Pregnancy can sometimes make your partner feel left out. So, try to involve your partner too, as this is also a time where your partner is anxious and excited all together for this baby.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can arguing during pregnancy harm the baby?

Arguing with your partner can in a way affect your baby’s health if you’re too stressed about it. Extreme stress can have a negative effect on your pregnancy and can even cause early labor. Avoid heated arguments or stressing about everything. If there’s an issue, think and act on it with an open mindset.

Do couples fight more during pregnancy?

It’s not necessary that every pregnant couple fights during this period, but yes if you or your partner fails to understand what each of you feels or say then there are fights bound to happen even when you’re not pregnant.

Can my baby feel my emotions during pregnancy?

It’s not without reason that our elders tell us to have good and calming thoughts during pregnancy. Research studies have concluded that a mother’s emotions do affect the baby in the womb. Extreme stress or depression in mothers often leads to low birth weight in babies. So, be calm, be happy and think positive thoughts during your pregnancy.

Will a baby save my relationship?

Nothing can save your relationship unless you put in efforts to mend the relationship. No amount of gifts, vacationing, or even a baby for that matter can magically save your relationship. The key to a happy relationship is communication, trust, understanding, faith in each other and love. So, talk to your partner about the problems in your relationship and save it by each of you putting in efforts to build the relationship stronger.

How should the husband treat his wife when she’s pregnant?

Pregnant or not, both the husband and wife should always treat each other with respect, love and care. The love you feel for each other should be so strong that come rain or shine, you’ll face each trouble and hurdle as a unit while still trusting and caring for each other, and if talking especially about pregnancy, then the husband should help out more and make his wife feel more comfortable during the pregnancy.

Takeaway

How to build your relationship stronger only depends on you and your partner, because you both know it much more than any article out there tells you.

You know your partner; you know what the real issue underlying all the problems is, so you and your partner are the only people who want to or don’t want to take necessary steps that are important for your relationship.

But, generally what I’d like to tell you is please don’t stop communicating to your partner about anything you feel, and give your partner space too to tell you about their thoughts and feelings, and from there, you two can come up with solutions that still holds your relationship stronger.

Located in India and a mother to a joyfully mischievous son, Kelin is the wife of the world’s most patient man and a busy homemaker. When she’s not busy cooking and running after her kid,  you can find her in a corner reading, or penning down words on her laptop. She believes the world will always try to instil ‘mom guilt’ in new mothers, but she goes by the maxim ‘a mother knows best'.

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